Claudia Browning
April 15, 2012
“Your Shoes”
I stood in your shoes today, but I could not fill them…. and I cannot feel you either… The vacuum is cold with your absence… they were the black snake skin ones… you remember… the ones that always hurt your feet… But… what a dashing figure you cut when you wore them. My hands are empty and your voice echoes in the room… But… your shoes were too big for me… So I stepped out of them and stood before the Lord in naked feet… in silence…and He heard me…
I stumbled across your old sneakers today… you remember… the ones you fished in, jogged in, and mowed the lawn in. They are well worn…. green with stain from the multiple summers we trudged through together… there is still a fish hook embedded in the heel of the right one. The laces are broken and retied in many places…. much like my heart. I carried them out the back door to the Lake…. and I slipped them into the water. I saw your memory in the distance…. like a forgotten painting…. chipped and faded…. your shoes slowly slipped away….. just like my hope…. and, the sun in the western sky.
I moved the couch today… to clean… and I discovered your house slippers…. you remember…. the fur-lined ones…. they were flattened with age… much like my ego that ebbed away when you withdrew your touch. I put them on and walked outside, and stood in the rain until they were soaked….. my mascara traced a path down my cheeks with the raindrops….. or were they teardrops…. It does not matter….. the slippers are ruined…. and so I tossed them away…. just like…. you tossed me away…
Your shoes are all gone now…. each pair perfectly molded to your feet …. feet far too pretty to belong to a man… I remember them… and your hands…and your laughter…. I just keep remembering. But you see…. your shoes are too big for me… I will never grow into them… they just remain empty with longing… like forgotten soldiers stationed at attention…. waiting for a commander…. who has deemed them unworthy, and no longer useful. I know how they feel…. and so I took them, and I released them from their duty…. I just don't know how….. to release me.
